It's All About You
by Exploded Toilet Bowl
Summary: ByaRen. It was really frustrating and uncharacteristic for Kuchiki Byakuya to be thinking about a certain someone during breakfast, work, lunch, more work, taking a walk and even during Captain meetings.


A/N: Gawd, I'm such a ByaRen fan now I don't even know why. Somebody relieve me from this addiction...

I intended this to be short, but in the end it's freaking long...

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I**t's All About You**

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How did it all amount to this?

Byakuya sighed for the millionth time as a certain image of a certain _someone_ popped up in his head yet again. Said someone was currently in the real world doing some sort of a mission, but would only be back about two or three days later.

Really, was it even healthy for him to be thinking of his vice-captain every single day, almost for the whole day? He felt like he was a lovesick teenage girl.

In which he mentally smacked himself for even suggesting that unthinkable thought.

Once his vice-captain had asked if he should get a promotion to being a captain any time soon, and Byakuya immediately answered with a firm and angry 'no'. Renji was a little taken aback by the sudden and sharp answer. Byakuya knew very well that his vice-captain was a strong man, in terms of both physicality and mentality. Aside from being a little (actually very) brash and clueless, Abarai Renji could very well be a potential captain, and that would be when his bankai was a lot more stabilized.

And to Byakuya's horror, he just thought –no, analyzed Renji _again_. He realized that he had stopped writing and had put the brush down, and all he could see before him was the red-head.

He then did the most uncharacteristic thing a noble could do: sink down in his chair, groan grudgingly (at both the piles of work and thoughts of Renji) and bury his face into his hands.

Just then the door had to be opened, and thus whoever who was standing at the door saw the captain in this state. If the Kuchiki was any lesser man, he would've blanched and gasped loudly at his own behavior.

Luckily (or maybe not) for Byakuya, it was none other than his vice-captain.

"Uh…Taichou, what's wrong?" Renji asked concernedly.

"…Work," said Byakuya as he resumed his previous position (which was his left hand pressed on his forehead and an emotionless mask over his face) and began to do his work again, unwilling to be distracted by that awfully delicious red-head in front of him.\

"Ha…Anyway, I ended my mission early and came to give in my report," Renji said as he glanced over at his own desk, and scowled at the paperwork, "Oh, and to complete those annoying stuffs too."

Byakuya felt more than compelled to offer dinner again, as a break from stress. Oh yes, what the noble did was to offer to go to dinners with his vice-captain, sometimes to be seriously discussing work, sometimes just wanting to have some private time alone with the red pineapple. Really, that was all the raven asked for. He couldn't possibly want his feelings to be returned. It would be absurd! What would the Kuchiki household say? As much as Byakuya wanted it to be true, perhaps it would never happen, would it?

The captain decided it was best not to think about this now. Although…

"Renji." The man thought it was really easy and wonderful how the name sounded when it rolled off his tongue.

"Yes, taichou?" The red head looked curiously at his captain, who seemed to be in deep thought.

"How about dinner again tonight?"

Without any hesitation, the vice-captain answered, "Sure."

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The wonderful spread of food was served. It looked like a feast rather than a normal dinner. The Kuchiki watched as Renji's eyes sparkled in delight, and face a little red from embarrassment.

"Ah taichou…Isn't this a little…_too_ much? I mean, I can really eat and all, but this is…"

"It's alright. This meal is on me," said Byakuya as he picked up his chopsticks and began to dig in.

He could tell that Renji wanted to say something again but then decided against it, and followed him and started to eat as well.

No matter how bad Renji's table etiquette was, Byakuya decided that he still liked the way his vice-captain ate. His vice-captain had a knack (that he realized resembled his younger-self's habit) to leave the good and tastiest food last, and because he left them last, he always savored them really slowly. For a brash man like Renji, it seemed like an odd habit to pick up since it seemed unfitting. Also, the red-head did not restrict himself to eat properly just because they were in a high-class restaurant. Renji was just natural, and he did best at being who he was. Perhaps this was the very part of Renji that Byakuya liked.

After the table was swiped clean, the noble paid the bill and left the restaurant with his lieutenant following closely behind. He turned to Renji and asked, "How about a walk? It is always good to take slow walks after meals."

"Yeah. I do that a few times too," said Renji as he walked side by side with Byakuya.

The noble wondered if Renji would ever question his actions. Byakuya himself realized that he had been perhaps spending too much time with his fuku-taichou instead of focusing on other matters. Again, he felt that this was unhealthy, but was worth it in the end. He got to see more of Renji and his wackiness, a trait that he liked from the start when he accepted Renji as his vice-captain. He felt that this was a change from the usual monotony that he had in the Kuchiki household, and even in the 6th squad. Rukia, he could tell, was also a fun person to be with, but she would not dare do odd things in front of him because she was afraid to offend him.

Renji, on the other hand, was a lot more daring and stubborn, and thus on many occasions, the red-head shinigami knowingly and unknowingly offended the noble. Said noble, however, preferred not to say anything because he thought that in this way, Renji was being natural. Nobody around him could act natural, all with the exception of his vice-captain. The others were either stiff around him, or just plain frightened of his authority. Again, Renji was not someone who would be easily defeated by status or personality of another. From the very start, the red pineapple never gave a damn about those sort of stuffs, and thus was able to breach the barriers that the noble had set up around himself.

Which he once again questioned himself, _how did it all amount to this?_ He realized he was beginning to open up to the red-head so much more that to him, it became uncharacteristic. It was something he didn't like, yet a small part of him preferred this change within him. With Hisana, it was…quieter, and the amount of respect he received from his previous wife was something he really liked, and it was above the normal respect others gave to him. However, he did not feel that there was a need to reveal too many things about his work to her.

With Renji, it was noise, noise and more noise, but with a pinch of seriousness embedded within. It was strange, as the red-head gave him both respect and admiration in equal amount. The red-head sometimes treated him like a real captain, yet sometimes along the way, it would change to just two familiar people chatting with each other. Plus, they could relate to each other through their work, so it was even easier to communicate.

Renji was just special. Someone so simple had managed to unwind the complicated Kuchiki, which was something the noble found amazing, but yet at the same time almost ludicrous.

"Ah, yes captain, regarding the document this afternoon…"

Byakuya was listening very carefully to Renji, or rather, he was just listening to Renji's deep, slightly raspy (and sexy) voice, and not actually absorbing what his vice-captain was saying.

"…Taichou? Are you troubled recently?"

Finally seriously _listening_ to his lieutenant, he answered, "No. Why should I be?"

"Because you seem distracted these few days, like you're always thinking of something or someone."

_He is finally not as dense,_ Byakuya smiled inwardly.

"But I suspect it's the paperwork. Recently the stuff _has_ been piling up like never before…" Renji sighed, exhausted at the thought of paperwork, his least favorite thing in the world.

…Still as dense. I wonder if I have to literally spell it out to him, or show it to him about what exactly I am always thinking about…

Byakuya had thought of ways before to confess to his lieutenant, but none of them seemed too appropriate. He thought of the classic way: confess and then give a hug, and if the reception was good, maybe a kiss. Or another way: get into an awkward situation in a compromising position, and then 'get it on'. Last resort: just force his way through. But, the noble being the gentleman that he is, scrapped the ideas because they were either too straightforward, or just plain forceful. He wanted Renji to just _see_ what was going on. Renji didn't need to _accept_ it, but all he wanted Renji to do was to _realize_ what was going on.

Byakuya unknowingly sighed, which caused a reaction from the vice-captain, "Oh…You know, you've been down and sighing nowadays…the paperwork that bad? If so, lemme give a hand. Ya know, I'm not your vice-captain for nothing!" Renji grinned at Byakuya, whose eyes softened a little.

The noble replied, "It's alright, really. At least I'm not at the verge of death yet."

"Ha! So it _is_ stressing you out!"

Yet sometimes Byakuya just loved his side of Renji too much, he refused to say anything in the end.

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Captain meetings really bored the Kuchiki out so bad, he just wanted to melt into the walls and hoped that no one saw. Really, he'd rather be at the Shinigami Women's Association meeting than _this_...Those women talk about more interesting stuffs.

And the irritating thing was, _the damned red-head wouldn't leave his head!_ It made said captain completely distracted, tired and agitated. He could not carry out his captain duties on time nowadays, many a times he spent thinking of Renji, which resulted in the loss of track of time. For someone as organized, planned and systematic as he was, he was entirely off the track this time round. He even chided himself once for leaving some paperwork in the office and forgetting to bring it back to his house to complete it. That time, all that was in his mind was the time he spent with Renji, and how they communicated, what topic they were engaged in, where the place was that they spent their private time at...

He vaguely wondered if Renji had started to suspect something by now, since their last dinner. Byakuya had been discreetly sending looks over to Renji, hoping that his vice-captain would catch something by now, but probably not. Renji was still as dense as ever, not really getting the hint nor showing signs of backing off or anything _at all_.

Or could it be that Renji already has an idea of how I feel, except he doesn't know how to react to it...He thought as he gradually tuned out from the chatter amongst the captains as the meeting concluded.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Ukitake came up to Byakuya and smiled.

...This man knows too much, thought Byakuya as he replied, "It's nothing. The meeting was a little overwhelming."

Ukitake merely smiled wider and told the Kuchiki to take a rest, before leaving the meeting room himself.

That was the first time Byakuya was a little frightened by Ukitake's smile.

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Byakuya took his own sweet time and slowly walked his way back to his mansion after the captain's meeting. The breeze really helped him in calming himself down. He decided he should push his thoughts away and reflect on what has happened for the past few weeks.

Really, there was so much work piling up on his desk, he slowly got accustomed to seeing them on his desk, and on his vice-captain's desk too.

Then there was Rukia. She really had been going down to the real world quite a bit, and he knew it was to spend time with that Kurosaki kid. And Renji too, he had been going there lately too. Those three had been hanging a out a lot lately in the real world. Byakuya vaguely wondered what Renji would be doing hanging out with the other two, when there was so much paperwork awaiting that red-head, when he still needed his periodic sparring practices with his captain, not to mention spending so much time with that Kurosaki kid really irrita-

Really, how did my thoughts get back to that man again?! Byakuya's inner-self chided himself for making himself think about things that should not have crossed his mind, especially because the purpose of this walk was to let go of everything and not recall-

And he bumped into somebody ahead of him.

Great, the head of Kuchiki was that distracted that he did not even pay attention to whatever was happening around him.

"Ah, taichou!" The voice before him was Renji's, he recognized. He almost wanted to curse that man for popping up right after his internal debate about how he should be pushing thoughts (_and a certain person_) aside.

Though, Renji seemed to be heading in the same direction as he was, because there was only one way down the pathway, and that was to the Kuchiki household.

"Renji, where are you going? And this direction is to my household," said Byakuya, as he only allowed that slight bit of hope that Renji was just paying a simple visit to him, maybe just having a drink or two.

As he expected, Renji did not go all the way there to see him. The reply from the red-head was, "Yes, to your household, but to deliver something to Rukia. Apparently Rukia complained that her workload has also been increasing, and she has quite a bit to do here. Also, her missions to the real world will be reduced, so she told Ichigo to write to her as much as he could. On Ichigo's side too, he's going to have exams soon, so he needs to do his own 'revision'. I'm just on the errand to deliver his letter to Rukia."

"I see," replied Byakuya, with a hint of disappointment in his tone. Why couldn't your going to the real world missions decrease instead? "Well, would you care to stay for a drink or two?"

He swore he saw a flash of happiness in Renji's eyes as the man agreed.

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The night sky was clear and the moon was very bright. As the two men sat and gazed at the moon, they both had their own time to think about many things.

Byakuya, of course, was unsuccessful in leading his thoughts away from Renji. He concluded that perhaps whatever he did, be it work or personal matters even, it had Renji in it. It had become a fact that he could not just throw Renji off his mind.

He swore he had too much to drink. As he stole a glance at the red-head beside him, he felt even more tempted to just steal a kiss from Renji. Under the moonlight, Renji looked like he had a pale and creamy complexion, and those pair of eyes looked very concentrated on nothing in particular, giving Renji a dazed sort of expression, which to Byakya looked almost cute.

Without knowing it himself, he had already begun inching toward his vice-captain's cheek, as if the existence of Renji was drawing him to the other.

However, he had not expected Renji to turn in his direction.

Therefore, he had not expected his own lips meeting his vice-captain's. Upon realization, they parted suddenly as if scorched by a boiling hot pan. Renji, though, had a tiny little blush forming at his cheeks, and dared not look at his captain. Byakuya was too busy trying to accept the fact that he had just _kissed_ someone he had dreamed of kissing, to actually notice the flushed Renji before him. In fact, the noble was thinking of how _tasty_ the red-head's lips were, and his mind had decided to lead him to more _images_.

"U-uh, I h-have to go! Have an e-early night too, taichou!" Renji said as he bowed and left hurriedly.

That was the first time Byakuya had felt his heart thumping for so long as he sat there, eyes wide and trying to recall what had just happened. He raised his hand and felt his own lips, trying to remember how it was like with Renji's lips on his own. The noble licked his own lips and decided that the kiss was indeed good, and he had not regretted a moment of it. However, he was afraid of what was to come. He was afraid of the red-head pushing him away, and he feared the rejection that could come. Byakuya really wanted his feelings returned, but, the more he thought about it, the more he was compelled to think that Renji would probably never love a man like him. A man so stoic, a noble nevertheless. A man only capable of doing his job of a captain, of a leader so well. Perhaps Renji never thought of how said man could feel, much less to _love_.

Byakuya himself was highly aware that Renji's admiration for him was more of the want to surpass someone from the higher-up ranks. The red-head's passion was more of winning, and doing his best. Probably his passion did not exist in 'love'. He saw in a point of time how much admiration, in the form of romantic love, his sister had for his vice-captain. However, that dissolved in a short while, only because of how Renji focused so much of his strength on succeeding and surpassing, but not on his sister. His vice-captain definitely held Rukia dearly to himself, but because he loved her like a good friend, a close friend, but never in a romantic way.

Byakuya sighed, defeated and tired. _Sleep is a good thing right now,_ he thought as he returned to his room and fell fast asleep, thoughts of Renji for once straying far far away.

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The next morning when Byakuya entered the office, his vice-captain was already inside the office, seated at his own desk, hand furiously dancing about a document he was working on. His vice-captain was, however, unusually quiet, and the aura he radiated clearly meant serious business. Not so much of raising his head, Renji greeted a simple "good morning Kuchiki-taichou". Byakuya could tell that the man was all too stiff and trying his best to remain formal in front his own captain.

That is the behavior expected of all vice-captains, to be formal and respect their captains. _But this is not the behavior of Abarai Renji_, Byakuya concluded. Not that he hated Renji for trying to take a different turn on his attitude towards his own captain, but rather the noble just did not feel that this was what defined Renji. He did not like this side of Renji, it just all seemed to unnatural, too strange for Renji. The red-head was a representation of freedom, of openness, of brashness. Heck, Renji's Zabimaru was developed from his own personality. His zanpakutou's form and usage represented Renji's will to get stronger by being able to lengthen and stretch, and get to further heights. The very wildness that emitted from the weapon was clear enough to show how much of a strong-willed man Renji was.

Clearly, the Renji now was still affected by what happened last night. No one could brush that kind of incident off so easily, not even Kuchiki Byakuya.

The captain took a seat at his desk, but not very willing to start his own paperwork yet. In fact, he wanted to talk to Renji. He wanted to have a long chat with Renji regarding last night's accidental kiss. He wanted to say so many things, of how he fell for the red-head, of how much he would think of the red-head no matter where he went, of how, just how the red-head was important to him.

Renji was the second person to have affected him so much, ever since Hisana. Rukia was important to him, sure, but she did not have this kind of an effect on him, it seemed. At least, the feeling was a different thing. Renji, on the other hand, made him feel all kinds of different emotions. It made him feel alive once again, like how Hisana ignited his will like a candle. But now, with Renji, it was like he was setting a whole house on fire, burning from every inch to every corner, so strong and so alive and with so much passion it scared the noble senseless.

Again, the noble realized that he was really afraid of what to say to Renji, afraid of saying things that he should not say, afraid of what was to come. More precisely, he was afraid of rejection. Byakuya chided himself for letting his emotions take over so easily, instead of controlling them. He realized, that this was a different kind of a battle. It was not like being engaged with an opponent in a battlefield, letting his will and desire take over there would lead to victory and nothing more. But being engaged in a battle between what you were to do and your own emotions, things become different. The outcomes are different. It was not just about victory anymore.

"Taichou," the seemingly foreign voice startled the noble.

"What is it, Renji?" He tried to sound unconcerned, almost detached, but he felt like he sounded more desperate than anything else.

"Actually, regarding last night..." Renji trailed off, not really wanting to continue.

Instead, Byakuya continued, "That was an accident."

A short pause.

"It will not happen again?"

For Byakuya, it sounded more like Renji was asking why it would not happen again. He did not know how to answer, and thus kept his mouth shut and left the question hanging for the rest of the afternoon.

It was already near evening, and the tension had already reached its peak.

Byakuya was honestly surprised that the red-head had managed to hold his emotions and composure for such a long time. Perhaps for once the red-head was giving thought to the situation.

A bang on the table and the harsh grinding sound of the legs of the chair against the ground was heard.

"Taichou! What is it with you? Why aren't you saying anything?!" Renji ground out in anger.

_What_ do_ you want me to say? That I disliked it? That I never wanted this in the first place?_ Byakuya thought as he sighed inwardly. He could not bring himself to look at Renji.

"I know it's not of my place to speak like this, but have you thought of it at all, Kuchiki-taichou? How _much_ that kiss meant? I didn't...I mean, I'm sure neither of us asked for it! But now, I can't just _ignore_ the fact that it _did_ happen last night! Argh! I'm not good with words damn it..." Renji sighed in frustration.

_'Neither of us asked for it'? I did, I always have. I always wanted my feelings to be returned._

Renji tried again, in a much more composed manner, "What I'm trying to say is, that...we have to do _something_ about it."

"Do you want to try it again, then?" asked the captain calmly.

"Ye- huh?" answered a bewildered Renji.

"You heard me alright, Abarai-fukutaichou. I'm asking you if you want to try it again," said Byakuya as carefully as he could.

"Try...R-repeating last night's...incident?" Renji frowned a little and looked away from his captain, not very willing to meet said man's piercing look right into his own eyes.

Byakuya, not wanting to wait any longer, walked toward his vice-captain's desk and crashed his lips with Renji. The red-head drew back almost immediately and wanted to escape, but unfortunately the noble had decided to wrap his arms around the red-head and re-sealed their lips again, this time with much more passion. He moved his lips against the red-head's, burning, savoring and enjoying every moment of it. He nipped and licked Renji's lips, causing the red-head to gasp. He stole the opportunity to explore what Renji was in that hot cavern of his as he delved his tongue straight in, tasting, taunting and toying at the same time.

Byakuya felt alive once again. The red-head had calmed down and had closed his eyes to try to relax into the arms of his captain.

Finally out of breath, Byakuya broke apart, and looked right into Renji's face. His vice-captain was as red as his own hair. At that moment, he chuckled.

Renji looked up at his captain, feeling a little offended at what his captain just did to him, and the laugh that followed after.

"Is...is kissing me that funny?" Renji half-pouted, half growled.

"No. It's the color of your face that resembles your hair so much."

At this point Renji was about to bare his teeth at his captain, showing how he _did not_ resemble his hair color. However, the noble interrupted.

"You didn't run away."

"Well, that was because you were holding me back, literally!"

Oh how right Renji was.

The captain just hugged his vice-captain tighter to himself, relishing at how warm the other was.

After a short silence, the noble spoke up, "I do like you."

Slowly, but surely, Renji's own arms encircled his captain's waist.

"I do love you," Byakuya said.

Renji was silent, but he nuzzled himself into his captain's body.

"I was plainly afraid. I feared of what would come in the future. I did not dare face rejection. However, it is about time I moved on. If Hisana was alive, she would advise me that."

All the red-head could do was nod against his captain, completely understanding the older man's feelings.

Another pause, and then Renji spoke up, "But you know how I am taichou. You could always have told me, I might've actually accepted it anyway, even if I didn't like you."

And then the noble realized that he had been so silly, not to have seen the admiration from Renji towards him changing into romantic love.

"The feelings _have_ been there for sometime, I just haven't actually accepted it, and therefore I didn't quite show it. In fact I tried to push it back down but looks like it isn't working. This is why I am standing here today, with you, just like this," Renji slowly explained.

"It looks like both our plans had not gone the way we intended it to be. But..." Byakuya paused, as he pulled back a little to look into Renji's eyes, "let's just leave it as we want it to be right now."

Renji smiled a little and nodded.

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A/N: Honestly, I'm not quite happy with the ending. In the end I wrote so much I lost track of what I was writing! Still, constructive criticism is welcome! I need to know what went wrong, and which part of it seemed odd.


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